Thursday, April 23, 2009

Delicate Sensibilities.

I often have to remind myself that my upbringing has afforded me a strong sense of what is wrong and right, even if those particular areas are considered "gray" by most peoples' standards.  I am very aware that we, as a country of transplanted Americans, are moving towards a more tolerant (albeit unstructured) society. However, there are some things as a self-respecting Southerner that I absolutely cannot tolerate (and guess what, it's not white shoes or pants after Labor Day).

1 - Flip flops, shorts and/0r sunglasses in church on Sunday morning.  Especially if it's the PASTOR.  Sorry folks, I can't do it.  I end up spending the entire sermon looking at his toes.  Gross, I know.  I'm not asking for a three piece suit here, but come on.

2 - Christmas lights on a house for 18 months running.  The neighbors two doors down have had their Christmas lights up since November 0f 2007.  Funny thing, they no longer worked for the Christmas 2008 season so all his well-intended work saving measures were all for naught.  And yes, just in case you're wondering, there is still a "NOEL" sign in the yard.  Lovely.  Now folks, even the trailer parks in rural Alabama take down Christmas lights for a month or two in the summertime.

3 - Line jumping in front of a seventy-year-old.  I actually witnessed this in Safeway last week. I cannot imagine her purchase of All-Bran and two bananas would've taken that long.  Had I been close enough, I would've given someone a piece of my mind.

4 - Birthday party invitations handed out less than a week before a party.  There are exceptions to this rule, mainly which have to do with giving birth or religious sabbatical.  Last month, Barrett received a birthday party invitation for one of her classmates and the party was three days away.  To add insult to injury, an RSVP was requested in two days.  While I admit that Barrett's social calendar was not yet full, it just seems ridiculous.  Those are the children who receive homemade presents or gifts from the grocery store.

5 - CARS, CARS and MORE CARS.  We live in a court.  (In the south, we call it a cul-de-sac.  It just sounds fancier don't cha think?)  Eight of the ten homes on our court have more cars parked in front of it than it has drivers.  In some cases, the homes have two or three cars more than actual drivers.  This makes no sense to me.  There should be a one driver-one car rule. When you're done with one car, trade it in for the next car.  If your hobby is car collecting, you should own a garage for storing said cars not just parking them in the street or cul-de-sac.

I'm pretty sure this topic will be continued.


Trooper Thorn said...

It's good to have standards. My job often take me through the halls at the court house and I marvel at the people awaiting trial who have not bothered to put on a clean pair of pants and a collared shirt. Skip the pack of cigarettes, go to the Salvation Army and pick up an outfit that tells the judge you care even a little that you are in trouble.

1. Flip flops in church - if Jesus wore sandles, were his toenails trimmed before sermons?

2. 12 Month house lights - we need another 11 holidays to observe that involve exterior luminescance.

3. How about a '3 item or less' line?

4. Birthday parties - I'm a big advocate of the 'skip a party' birthday at least once in a childhood. None of my kids has ever supported the plan.

5. Cars - Investigate who has their garage filled with crap so they can't even part in it. There is a correlation to the people who have more cars that drivers.

forever folding laundry said...

Love this list. I don't see them as gray areas at all. Especially the Christmas lights. Really, does anyone REALLY think this is a good idea?

Counselormama said...

Your standards are right on!

Mainly a midwife said...

Love your list. My neighbor still has her Christmas lights up too. And still puts them on at night. Actually..two neighbors have them up still. I just thought of you as I was in Barnes and Noble. There is a book called "Some day you'll thank me for this" The guide to becoming the perfect Southern Mother. I got a big chuckle out of it.