Wednesday, October 7, 2009

She's Just Not That Into You.

No, this isn't a post about gay "marriage." Or homosexuals. It's about girlfriends. I've been thinking a lot myself about friendships. How to make them. How to keep them. How to sustain them.

Meeting people and making friends is easy. You have things in common. You run in the same circles. However, sustaining and nourishing the relationship is the hard part. It is essential that both parties have a mutual trust and respect for one another. In order for a friendship to grow, there must be an underlying assumption that the relationship is a *priority.*

But sometimes, try as hard as you might, you just can't get it together. You may like the person. You may have things in common, but you just are not ever on the same page of music. It occurs to me that part of the problem in keeping and sustaining meaningful relationships is the inherent selfishness that some people have. They only want to meet or interact when it's convenient for them. They are only nice to you or speaking to you when there's something in it for them. It seems that there's a double standard of rules and that maybe their parents never taught them the "golden rule" of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.

There's got to be a give and take. There's got to be a foundation and belief that if you ever needed something, the friend will be there for you. Whether it's a listening ear, a carpool ride, a lunch date, parenting advice. Whatever.

Now that all of my friends have families of their own, I know that I'm not ever their MAIN priority. But I also know that with my true friends, whether it's a friend that I've known 20 years, or 8 years or friends that I've met in the last three years, I know that I AM a priority.

I want my relationships to be genuine and authentic. And when I come across someone who's just not that into me, I want to be able to move on without dwelling on the "why." I want to be secure in myself and know that I deserve relationships where I get back everything that I put into them. Period.


Mainly a midwife said...

Your post resonates with me Peaches. And by the way, I am "into" you..not in any weird way... just a fun GOOD way. :)
And I'm PSYCHED that we are bringing in the holidays together.
Friendships, I guess like any relationship, can be hard. I think sometimes I lay it all out there, hoping for a sharing/caring friendship and when it's not reciprocated I'm always kicking myself.

One Lucky Girl said...

A-men sister! I think I need to send this to my "friend". Funny how she's just not that "into me" anymore. I am over it but I love your blog. It totally hits home. Thanks for being my friend, peaches! :)